Grr..

I think somethings wrong with me!
Lately, every little thing makes me mad!
I even express how mad I am by venting to my best friend
And the worst part is how many horrible words I use to do so!
I keep feeling like I don't belong in my family at all
I'm just so different from them
I cant even be happy in my own home..
I'll start to have fun but after less than five minutes..It just goes away
I seriously wanna cuss people out
And when my family makes jokes about me..
They never bothered me till now
I mean they hardly ever do it but once they do I just wanna SLAP them (mainly my sister..she's the worst)
I don't even know if im having suicidal thoughts or thoughts of feeling worthless
Sometimes I really do wanna die
I hate the world that much
But then I don't because I don't want to screw up my family's life.
I feel so freaking LOST!
I want to live my life and be happy,
But at the same time I don't

Nobody in my house even notices when I'm crying
And then they realize it when I text a family member about it


I really don't know what's making me angryier..
The fact that I'm always being picked on
Being accused of being lazy
Having to be depended on too much
Or when everyone looks at me like I'm nuts when I just say what I personally like.
For example
I tell them I honestly don't mind gay couples at all,
Or that I want to be goth
I'm looked at a though I'm a freak by my own family
They're even being stereotypical about it
They think I'm possessed
They think I'm evil
My mom once said she bets she'll see me on drugs for real
They don't listen to my protests.
Some said that being wierd bothers me,
When I could honestly care less

Thats how I feel..
A worthless outcast with everything she could want BUT love and support from her family